WPCNR Tin Cup Alley. (Satire) September 27, 2008: It's too bad one of our famous crooners was not exumed in time to sing this song penned by a former investment banker now turned composer as the opening act for Monday morning's Presidential address on the reaching of an agreement on the Bail-out now termed the "Buy-In." President Bush could have used some backup, as he appeared alone this morning to read a statement.
"It's Congresscraft"
Words by Halsey Stewart Paine III
(With apologies to the original composer of WITCHCRAFT,Cy Coleman)
Those crisp new printed dollars in my wallet, honey...
Lovely windfall capital in hand
That starts, hedge funds , banks IPAs, stocks making mints of money
Building new houses, high rises, inventories grand
It’s Congresscraft!
I’ve got a great use for it,
The markets so in need of it
Homebuyers craving it
What good would not distributing it do?
Cause it’s Congresscraft, lucrative Congresscraft
And although, I know it’s strictly taboo
When you arouse the greed in me
When you preserve my salary, bonuses, profits too
Wipe out those toxic debts, too
My heart says you bet your bottom dollar baby
Proceed with what I need you to do
It’s such a grand plan
One that gets America moving again
Cause there’s no nicer Congress than you
(Frank Style Shout Out:)
Look Out Old America's Back Everybody!
(Song continues! click READ MORE)
Those silver tongues in my ear
Seductive promises to save my egg
Relieves me of my fear I’ll have to beg
Its ConcressCraft
I’ve got no defense for the logic of it
The losses are too deep for it,
Why save the foreclosed with cash common sense
When the rich can’t hang on to their cents?
Cause it's Congresscraft, clever Congresscraft
Although, I know, it's strictly daft
When they stir up the worry in me
My insecurity and trust pour out and
I want Ben and Henry’s Buyout
It's such an tried-and-true pitch
But one we can’t switch
Cause there’s no smarter congress than you.
(Shout-out--Frank Style:)
Ring a Ding Ding that Opening Bell, Baby. Let’s Buy! Let’s BUYYYYYYY!
Those promises of prosperity
To bring things back the way they used to be
Unzipping credit like a cocktail dress
It's Congresscraft! To get us out of this money mess
And I’ve got no defense for it!
Those shapely downturn curves too steep not to do it
What would common sense do?
Telling banks and lenders to lend again
What would Vladimir Putin do?
Cause it’s CongressCraft, sly CongressCraft
Although, I know, it’s strictly temporary
A Hail Mary pass for the economy…
When I see my banks change names every day or two
My portfolio, Keough and IRA too,
Says yes , oh baby, yes indeed in me
Proceed with what you're leading me to
It's such a series of sucker plays
To bring back glory days
Cause Congress knows better than you
(Shout-Out,Frank style:)
Look Out Old America’s Back in Town!
Those persuasive prognoses of doom
Those earnest sincere stares of gloom
That strip away my skeptic’s rationale
It's Congresscraft!
And Ive got no choice but to believe it
The bleat is too blatent for it
What good would deliberate thinking about it do?
Cause it's Congresscraft, clever Congresscraft
And although, I know, it's just a bail-out
And a new massive bureaucracy
When congress says we have to save the rich’s money
Before they save mine, my heart says yes but
Don’t forget about me with what you’re intending to do
It's such a Wall Street pitch
Like old Bait and Switch
Cause there's no smoother congress than you
(Frank style shout out:)
America’s Skies are like Betty Davis Eyes Again, baby!
It’s not a buy-out, it’s a buy-in
As America comes back again
It’s such a sexy scene, buying living high again!
( Frank "aside")
Look at me baby, I’m spending, I'm spending again already!)
It's Congresscraft
And Ive got to go through with it
The smell of money’s too close not to do it
What good would letting conmen go broke do?
Because it’s Congresscraft, forgiving Congresscraft
And although, I know, it's strictly ballyhoo
When Barney, Nancy, Chris and Chuck arouse the patriot in me
My American heart and my IRA and Keough
Says save my dough please
Proceed with the credit ease
It's such an old razzle-dazzle
Full of pizzazz and palaver
Cause there's no greater razzler-dazzler than you.
(Shout Out: Frank Style)
